Attack of the Angry Ugly Latin Communist Sorority

Unfortunately, I forgot to post this story sooner. It's quite long, but worth it:
Last Friday, I was eating lunch at Dickinson Dining Hall at Binghamton University. I was standing in front of a drink dispenser, filling a glass of orange juice, minding my own business. All of a sudden, a short, rat-like Hispanic girl with an expressionless face slams into me. I think, what the fuck, and turn to see that she is the head of a line of succesively larger Hispanic girls, all dressed identically in jeans, blue jackets, Timberland boots, suede backpacks, and French braids. Ugly, nasty bitches, every one, and I've seen them in Dickinson many times, always to my distaste. So, after realizing that I was dealing with the Angry Ugly Latin Communist Sorority, I walked away with my food, snarling, "Madre del Dio, las puttanesca!" Which, of course, means, "Mother of God, the whores!" They speaking Spanish (maybe, I'll explain in a second), I figured they might understand the Italian slur. BUT, when the rat-girl initially bumped into me, she uttered the Spanish word "fuego." Now, fuego means fire, so why she would use it as a marching command is beyond me.
So I walk back to my table with my boys, and tell them that "the ugly bitches are coming." We all continue eating, all the while keeping an eye out for the comical procession to enter the dining hall proper. Now, what you need to envision is that these women (using the term loosely), dressed as described above, all come marching out of the food line in single file, in order of height and width, holding their trays in front and with no expression on their faces. So, my boys and I throw a few choice remarks their way, such as:
Jonas: "Ha ha, what sheep!"
Me: "Baaah!"
Jeremiah: "Hey, HEY! You in the back there, the one in front of you is taller!"
Me: "You're fucking up the rotation!"

After we finish eating, we walk to the trash area, where the Angry Latins happen to be returning from. All walking in a line with their now empty trays, we happened to be walking a bit too close to them, because they all stuck out their elbows and viciously struck us as we passed. Not that it was painful, but such gall! The line of clones returned to their table and stood in single file next to the chairs, awaiting the orders of the "sistahs" driving them like slaves. Thoroughly pissed, we returned to our table and I had the following idea:
"Okay, guys, this is going to rule. I'm going to stand in the way when the line starts moving and see what happens."
So, I walked over and stood about five feet from the largest girl in the group, about 5'10 and probably 250 pounds, and I'm not exaggerating. So, she comes lumbering towards me, and I don't move. Fuck that. She deviates just enough from her course to avoid running me over, but instead bodychecks me with all her 250 pounds, losing control of her tray and dropping it on the floor. At this point, she loses her composure (not allowed), and swings around, striking me twice in a wild flailing attack. I stand there, utterly stunned and on the verge of laughing, and the two sorority sisters get in my face, accusing me of "attacking their pledge." The coversation goes something like this:
"What the fuck, punk, you be attackin our pledge?"
"Well, I was actually just standing there..."
"No you weren't, how can you deny that! You attacked her, you hit her, we just saw that!"
"Actually, she assaulted me, I never raised my hand."
"What! You attacked her, we saw! A woman has the right to defend herself! You be disrespecting a woman!"
"Why should I respect you?"
"Oh, you be so lucky I don't have my sorority shirt, I would kick yo ass!"
"Oh, I'm quite sure you would."
"Listen, boy, I'm gonna put some intelligence into yo head!"
-continues, becoming boring-
"Why you gotsta disrespect our Greek organization, just because you don't undahstand what we be doing!"
"So what are you doing?"
"I'll tell you! I'll tell you, punk ass!"
"So tell me!"
"Okay, let's go outside, and I'll tell you! I'll put some intelligence into yo head!"
"Okay, let's go outside then."
We then proceed to head outside, where a crowd of about thirty follows to sit around and watch the proceedings. The crowd is obviously on my side, and is grinning and winking at me while a few brave souls throw the odd insult into the fray. The large sisters continue yelling the same type of thing at me, including a threat to report what I "did" to Campus Activities, and then finally:
"Okay, we just be wasting our breath with this punk ass!"
"Honey, you're the one who started talking to me."
(to the pledges, including the monstrous one who just regained her composure)"Okay, girls! Next time you see him on campus, you kick his ass!"
I walk away, and several spectators congratulate me and pledge support in case the sorority would actually follow through on their threat to report my "assault" on the pledge to Campus Activities. Not that such a report would have any credibilty, since the bitches knew me by site alone and there'd be no way to find one brown-haired white kid out of several thousand.
Overall, an amazing lunch. That provided the entertainment for the day, and then some.

 

Puttanesca doesn't mean whores. Puttanesca is an Italian recipe for pasta which involves vodka, tomato sauce, capers, black olives and anchovies. Putas is Spanish for whores. Advice? Drug them, cut a jalapeño in half and smear your dick with it, sodomize them then.

 

It's nice to know you judge eople by their looks.

 

So, so close to being right. See, the thing is, Spaghetti alla puttanesca is the dish you just described, but it was named for the puttanesca (whores) that lived in the village where the recipe was created.

Good idea. I just might try that.

 

Do NOT smear jalapeno on your dick. In fact, don't chop jalapenos with a knife and then urinate (at least, dont urinate standing up and aiming by holding your dork) without washing your hands first. The epidermis around your cock is very thin. If you get any juice on your urethra it will burn like a mother fucker. Don't ask me how I know this.

Other than that... you made it sound like hispanic is what caused their idiocy... I know you probably didn't intend this, but yeah. I dunno, I'm just saying, stupid bitches come in all shapes and sizes. When I encounter a bunch of girls acting like this I usually find out that they're really insecure. Its all so depressing.

 

I would totally stomp on those dirty bitches.

 

Stomp is such a skinhead term. Do you wear motorcycle boots and a belt made out of a chain?

 

I thorougly enjoyed your story but I can't offer any useful advice like Aries here who has a good point. If it burns you how much is it gonna burn them. I bet the won't be able to engage in their freaky cult orgies for atleast a month.

Also a question on your Italian , you said "...las puttanesca!" I was not aware of any definite article like that. It's not even a plural article. Is this dialect or am I just ingorant?

 

Man, one reason I'm glad I never went to a US college are the damn sororities and fraternities. It's like the school house system here, only worse. I also hate people who speak like like those fat ass bitches were, all that "you be" and "yo punk ass" crap. Coming from someone who is obviously not black or underprivileged just makes it worse.

 

no sleek, I'm NOT a skinhead, i just can't think of a better word. I'd punch them in the kindney and stomp on them as they wince in pain.

 

Sleek, one of the whores was black, and the sistah who was most in my face was Asian. So it had nothing to do with being Hispanic, but it probably had everything to do with me being white, as far as they were concerned. No, I wasn't going to smear jalepeno juice on my dick, because it would sting like a motherfucker. I was just humoring Aries.
Sea Dog, I actually don't remember the feminine plural definite article at this point in time, so I just used the Spanish one hoping it was right. I guess not.

Indeed, indeed. I can think of few things I hate more than that. The one girl was ASIAN, and obviously of wealthy parentage, and she's talking like an "urban" bitch. What nonsense.

 

We've got someone like that at my school... but there's one wierd thing: it's an asian guy who copies the asian girls. He also has a BIG crush on a good friend of mine, who's nice to him simply so that neither I nor her has to ride the bus, since he's 17.

 

In the year below me, there's a black kid(Negro not Aboriginal) who has a lot of friends, many of them in my year. I suspect that quite a few people are only friends with him because he's black. I personally think hes an idiot, but I don't know him that well.
I almost laughed one time when he said to some guy who definitely wasn't fat "I'll kick yo fat ass"

 

(forgot to address this earlier)
Stomp ass is an awesome term, don't knock it because you're a pinko. Amusingly, I do wear combat boots and a leather belt with spikes on it. A chain belt is a great idea. Next on my purchase list after a high-capacity shotgun.

 

Combat boots and a leather studded belt is punk, but a chain belt is totally skinhead gang symbol ville.

 

It's interesting how a clothing style gradually becomes a way to classify everyone who dresses that way. At this point I would like to note that I have no style...clothing style that is. I wear whatever feels comfortable and won't have people laughing at me as I walk past. Well, except for my shorts that is. I still insist on keeping all the ones with huge holes around my crotch, and wearing them in public.

 

Well because I'm a good little school boy and I know Italian I'll enlighten you: All female plural articles are "le"

Jar your exactly right about sterotyping people by the way they dress. Sigurd sounds like a neo nazi.

 

Nah, no he doesn't. If he lived in 19070's england, or 1980's washington dc, then it would matter, but a chain belt is really nothing.

 

Get a kilt. Most comfortable thing you'll ever buy. Besides, there already is a *HUGE* whole right below the crotch of it, so you don't need to wear it out to get one. :lol: Sleek, you're contradicting yourself. You were saying not too long ago that it does matter. Oh, Jar, I agree with what you said... other than the "won't have people laughing at me" part, cause I get laughed at no matter what, so I wear what ever the hell I please. :roll:

 

You get laughed at because you sit on the fence and have eroded away any sort of claim to masculinity you may have in the future.