Arcanum the motion picture

You know I actually think you are right there, although you missed out one very important hollywood trend. If a movie looks remotely interesting it will be a trilogy.

 

Exactly, it would be divided into multiple episodes like LoTR or StarWars.

 

I'm quite surprised anyone has anything more to say to the concept of an Arcanum film than "no." Quite like all the western remakes of eastern films, it'd be best if they just didn't bother. They'd probably throw Arcanum to Uwe Boll anyway.

 

Damn you DE, I'm going to spend the rest of the day obsessing over this.

Minous, do not speak of such things, less they come to pass.

 

That... actually sounds exactly what hollywood would do with Arcanum. The only change I would make is that Magnus would be part of the resistance forces against the Schulyers and would fight alongside TLO, Virgil, and not-Raven as you take down Pelonius's sons and ghost army before they give up the location of Kerghan's forces of darkness (who betrayed them, btw, which you find out as Winston lays dying: "We... we had to do it. He did unspeakable things to us. We had no choice but to do as he said. Find Gilbert Bates. He knows the location of the Vendigroth Device that can banish all magic from the world! And take this ring... it is the only thing that can power the device!" Oh yea and the BMC are Magnus' lost clan and Stennar is his father who is actually one of the zombies in Schulyer's castle.

 

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tim5nU3DwIE

Director? Uwe Boll.

 

Would not it be better if this movie was directed by Sam Rami, or Tim Burton? Even Guillermo del Toro would be a better canditate for directing this movie.

 

Ext. Caladon.

A young dark-haired man in a black suit is trying to get away from various rogues in vaguely nineteenth century clothing. He is armed with a pair of revolvers, but he doesn't really need them because he can perform stunts and movie kung fu like he's a young Jackie Chan. He is accompanied by his whiny sidekick Virgil, who does some fancy moves with his bo staff and complains a lot about all the messes our hero gets him into.

At the last possible moment, they slip onboard the IFS Zephyr. It turns out that not only do they have tickets for the flight, but they are actually government agents looking for a criminal mastermind known only as M'in Gorad. Gorad's last known location was in Tarant.

Two planes attack the airship. The Living One is able to shoot one of them down and takes down the second with an improvised bomb. But he gets wounded during the fight. Virgil comes to the rescue with a Minor Heal spell (not called that by the characters, obviously).

Before the planes start strafing the Zephyr, a plucky reporter named Jayna Stiles is interviewing the famous inventor Hieronymous Maxim. During the attack, he recognizes the planes as being based on one of his designs. Maxim and Jayna insist on trying to help our heroes even though they're mostly just in the way. After helping the Living One with the bomb, Maxim gets hit by stray bullets and dies babbling something about the Molochean Hand.

Stiles proves herself more useful than Virgil, due to her medical training and a variety of plot-specific skills. She has been investigating the Molochean Hand for a long time because one of their assassins killed her parents and she has a personal beef against M'in Gorad for giving the order.

For some reason, she is armed to the teeth with daggers and throwing knives. She also has a camera that comes in handy for blinding people.

The damaged Zephyr makes it closer to Tarant than you might expect before it crashes. In the aftermath of the wreck, an old man named Preston Radcliffe says a variety of cryptic things and asks the Living One to "find the boy."

It turns out that M'in Gorad and Gilbert Bates ("the boy") have concocted an elaborate scheme to conquer the Unified Kingdom. M'in Gorad is posing as a high society woman while making aggressive moves into the Thieves Underground's turf and the Boil. Bates focuses more on the legal end of things, engaging in all sorts of cut throat business practices to destroy most of his competition.

Our heroes are too late to save Cedric Aooleby from a bomb that goes off when he unveils his new steam engine. The local police chief initially believes they're responsible, but he comes around eventually after they survive more encounters with various Molocheans.

Jayna plans to expose the plot in the Tarantian, but they still need more evidence. One thing leads to another and they discover that a key part of the plot is killing Councilman Babcock (a union sympathizer who wants an alliance with Caladon).

The fate of two kingdoms hangs in the balance as our protagonists race against time to save Babcock, expose Bates and kill M'in Gorad. Not necessarily in that order.

Along the way, they get some help from the mysterious Sebastian and a local Gypsy fortune teller named Z'an Alurin who is revealed to be both a powerful sorceress and a renegade dark elf who also has personal reasons for stopping M'in Gorad.

The movie ends with a big fight on another air ship that Gilbert Bates equipped with a powerful death ray cannon based on a design from fabled Vendigroth. Bates also has henchmen armed with Bronwyck's Guns and Chukka as his personal version of Oddjob.

The heroes save the day basically by bombing Bates and his goons back to the Stone Age before he can do that to everyone else. Jayna gets to have her Inigo Montoya moment and kill M'in Gorad. But only after getting what she needs for her article. She decides to write a book instead.

Jayna and the Living One suddenly realize they're in love. Virgil says something sarcastic about it as they go off into the sunset.

 

Oi! Fan fiction...

 

If I were going to do this, I would avoid a sausage party by having Victoria Warrington be the living one.

She was my first playthrough, though, so I am biased.

Yeah, I agree, the Departed was terrible.

 

I don't quite know if you are joking or not...

 

What Zanza said. I prefer Infernal Affairs.

 

Here's another idea. Hire Johnny Depp to play the Living One and make the whole movie about trying to stop the Whytechurch murderer. With Jackie Chan as wacky sidekick Virgil.

 

I'm guessing Helena Bonham Carter would play Raven.

 

I'm thinking Julianne Moore. Carter can be the hooker witness, who gets upgraded to party member for the movie.

 

Only if Tim Burton directs.