Arcanum the motion picture

Discussion in 'Arcanum Discussion' started by Dark Elf, Mar 25, 2010.

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  1. Dark Elf

    Dark Elf Administrator Staff Member

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    Alright, I'm well aware of the fact that over the course of this distinguished forum's existence discussions of this specific kind have been legion, but those threads have invariably concerned themselves with the issue of casting, which is why I would like to approach it from a different angle.

    Because if there ever were to be an Arcanum movie, my primary source of worry is not who will play Virgil, but rather the dramaturgy, how they will present the plot.

    I can almost envision the supreme terror of it. The blimp crash and its aftermath done in mere seconds to upbeat pop music, whereupon the Living One and Virgil (who is now on steroids and a pugilist world class) completely break the plot by going straight to Caladon in a dramatic scene involving a computer animated and hopelessly contrived locomotive, skipping all the important events found in the game, and this is when TLO and Virgil meet up with an attractive femme fatale completely unrelated to the game (though her name may still be Raven) whom they both fall in love with and then this triangle drama goes on until the rushed end when they realise they have to work together to kill Kerghan who is now inexplicably out of the Void and then we get a tedious Hollywood ending but not before Magnus has made a brief appearance as a town drunk with Dogmeat by his side YES I ALWAYS WRITE LONG SENTENCES WHEN UPSET!

    I suppose 3 hours is the absolute maximum running time for a commercially viable movie and that it's probably impossible to cram the entirety of Arcanum's plot into that, but by the gods, how to write a script for Arcanum that actually works?
     
  2. Zanza

    Zanza Well-Known Member

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    You know I actually think you are right there, although you missed out one very important hollywood trend. If a movie looks remotely interesting it will be a trilogy.
     
  3. FrostyMixi

    FrostyMixi Member

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    Exactly, it would be divided into multiple episodes like LoTR or StarWars.
     
  4. Minuos

    Minuos New Member

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    I'm quite surprised anyone has anything more to say to the concept of an Arcanum film than "no." Quite like all the western remakes of eastern films, it'd be best if they just didn't bother. They'd probably throw Arcanum to Uwe Boll anyway.
     
  5. Peter Quincy

    Peter Quincy Member

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    Damn you DE, I'm going to spend the rest of the day obsessing over this.

    Minous, do not speak of such things, less they come to pass.
     
  6. someoneoo

    someoneoo New Member

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    That... actually sounds exactly what hollywood would do with Arcanum. The only change I would make is that Magnus would be part of the resistance forces against the Schulyers and would fight alongside TLO, Virgil, and not-Raven as you take down Pelonius's sons and ghost army before they give up the location of Kerghan's forces of darkness (who betrayed them, btw, which you find out as Winston lays dying: "We... we had to do it. He did unspeakable things to us. We had no choice but to do as he said. Find Gilbert Bates. He knows the location of the Vendigroth Device that can banish all magic from the world! And take this ring... it is the only thing that can power the device!" Oh yea and the BMC are Magnus' lost clan and Stennar is his father who is actually one of the zombies in Schulyer's castle.
     
  7. Wolfsbane

    Wolfsbane Well-Known Member

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    +

    =

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tim5nU3DwIE

    Director? Uwe Boll.
     
  8. Dark Elf

    Dark Elf Administrator Staff Member

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  9. Arthgon

    Arthgon Well-Known Member

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    Would not it be better if this movie was directed by Sam Rami, or Tim Burton? Even Guillermo del Toro would be a better canditate for directing this movie.
     
  10. Dark Elf

    Dark Elf Administrator Staff Member

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    If it hasn't occurred to you, Uwe Boll is something of a boogeyman in matters like this, except this is a boogeyman that is disconcertingly real and in the habit of laying waste to any movie he can lay his grubby little hands on; the Roundworld equivalent to Bloody Stupid Johnson.

    In fact, he probably does a better job scaring children than the folklore figure could ever hope to.
     
  11. Hawkthorne

    Hawkthorne New Member

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    Ext. Caladon.

    A young dark-haired man in a black suit is trying to get away from various rogues in vaguely nineteenth century clothing. He is armed with a pair of revolvers, but he doesn't really need them because he can perform stunts and movie kung fu like he's a young Jackie Chan. He is accompanied by his whiny sidekick Virgil, who does some fancy moves with his bo staff and complains a lot about all the messes our hero gets him into.

    At the last possible moment, they slip onboard the IFS Zephyr. It turns out that not only do they have tickets for the flight, but they are actually government agents looking for a criminal mastermind known only as M'in Gorad. Gorad's last known location was in Tarant.

    Two planes attack the airship. The Living One is able to shoot one of them down and takes down the second with an improvised bomb. But he gets wounded during the fight. Virgil comes to the rescue with a Minor Heal spell (not called that by the characters, obviously).

    Before the planes start strafing the Zephyr, a plucky reporter named Jayna Stiles is interviewing the famous inventor Hieronymous Maxim. During the attack, he recognizes the planes as being based on one of his designs. Maxim and Jayna insist on trying to help our heroes even though they're mostly just in the way. After helping the Living One with the bomb, Maxim gets hit by stray bullets and dies babbling something about the Molochean Hand.

    Stiles proves herself more useful than Virgil, due to her medical training and a variety of plot-specific skills. She has been investigating the Molochean Hand for a long time because one of their assassins killed her parents and she has a personal beef against M'in Gorad for giving the order.

    For some reason, she is armed to the teeth with daggers and throwing knives. She also has a camera that comes in handy for blinding people.

    The damaged Zephyr makes it closer to Tarant than you might expect before it crashes. In the aftermath of the wreck, an old man named Preston Radcliffe says a variety of cryptic things and asks the Living One to "find the boy."

    It turns out that M'in Gorad and Gilbert Bates ("the boy") have concocted an elaborate scheme to conquer the Unified Kingdom. M'in Gorad is posing as a high society woman while making aggressive moves into the Thieves Underground's turf and the Boil. Bates focuses more on the legal end of things, engaging in all sorts of cut throat business practices to destroy most of his competition.

    Our heroes are too late to save Cedric Aooleby from a bomb that goes off when he unveils his new steam engine. The local police chief initially believes they're responsible, but he comes around eventually after they survive more encounters with various Molocheans.

    Jayna plans to expose the plot in the Tarantian, but they still need more evidence. One thing leads to another and they discover that a key part of the plot is killing Councilman Babcock (a union sympathizer who wants an alliance with Caladon).

    The fate of two kingdoms hangs in the balance as our protagonists race against time to save Babcock, expose Bates and kill M'in Gorad. Not necessarily in that order.

    Along the way, they get some help from the mysterious Sebastian and a local Gypsy fortune teller named Z'an Alurin who is revealed to be both a powerful sorceress and a renegade dark elf who also has personal reasons for stopping M'in Gorad.

    The movie ends with a big fight on another air ship that Gilbert Bates equipped with a powerful death ray cannon based on a design from fabled Vendigroth. Bates also has henchmen armed with Bronwyck's Guns and Chukka as his personal version of Oddjob.

    The heroes save the day basically by bombing Bates and his goons back to the Stone Age before he can do that to everyone else. Jayna gets to have her Inigo Montoya moment and kill M'in Gorad. But only after getting what she needs for her article. She decides to write a book instead.

    Jayna and the Living One suddenly realize they're in love. Virgil says something sarcastic about it as they go off into the sunset.
     
  12. Dark Elf

    Dark Elf Administrator Staff Member

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    Good show old chap! Good show! :-D

    I really cannot decide whether that would be just an embarrassingly bad movie or if the transgression would be of such phenomenal caliber that the movie would actually come out good in the end.
     
  13. TheDavisChanger

    TheDavisChanger Well-Known Member

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  14. Grakelin

    Grakelin New Member

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    If I were going to do this, I would avoid a sausage party by having Victoria Warrington be the living one.

    She was my first playthrough, though, so I am biased.

    Yeah, I agree, the Departed was terrible.
     
  15. Zanza

    Zanza Well-Known Member

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    I don't quite know if you are joking or not...
     
  16. Minuos

    Minuos New Member

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    What Zanza said. I prefer Infernal Affairs.
     
  17. Hawkthorne

    Hawkthorne New Member

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    Here's another idea. Hire Johnny Depp to play the Living One and make the whole movie about trying to stop the Whytechurch murderer. With Jackie Chan as wacky sidekick Virgil.
     
  18. Muro

    Muro Well-Known Member

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    I'm guessing Helena Bonham Carter would play Raven.
     
  19. Hawkthorne

    Hawkthorne New Member

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    I'm thinking Julianne Moore. Carter can be the hooker witness, who gets upgraded to party member for the movie.
     
  20. magikot

    magikot Well-Known Member

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    Only if Tim Burton directs.
     
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