An adventure...IN BANANAS!

Alright, so there's the Cavendish that pretty much everyone in the western world knows and loves. Anyone born after 1950 would think of that particular cultivar as the quintessential banana, and it happens to be the most widely cultivated and consumed fruit in the whole damn world. However, it had a mighty predecessor;
The Big Mike.
With a more flavorful pulp and more pleasing texture, anyone alive before the fall of the Gros Michel would be able to tell you that the cavendish can suck balls, though I like them when they've still got a green tint. As soon as they're yellow, I make plans for banana bread.

Due to all cultivated bananas being bred sterile (so as to prevent chewing on seeds), every planted herb is a clone of another herb, meaning there's absolutely no genetic variability within any one variety of bananas. This led to the downfall of the Big Mike, as it became terribly apparent that the particular plant which was cloned was susceptible to a fungal infection known as Panama Disease. There are still some hybrids being bred that resemble the mighty berry, but mass cultivation would possibly lead to the same fate.
It is yet to be seen whether or not banana exporters will need to find a replacement for the cavendish, as it too is vulnerable to the fungal infection.

There's a particularly hardy Mexican variety called the Burro, or the much more appealing, Chunky Banana.
Many varieties of banana stem are vulnerable to strong winds;
The Chunky is not. It is also resistant to Panama Disease, and can either be cooked while still green (as a plantain) or eaten when a deep yellow with brown spots. It has a flavor reminiscent of lemons and bananas at the same damn time. I bought a bunch of them in an ethnic grocery store, but they're not ripe yet, despite looking really close to it. They're a full third bigger than any web description I've found, making them as long as a large cavendish (about 8-9 inches) and nearly twice as thick. They're also decidedly square, but that's how they're supposed to look. A low bloodsugar made me test one, and it was not unlike eating a raw potato with lemon zest. I'll cook one later in the day, and then test the ripe flavor when the time is right.

There's even a cultivar grown in Hawaii called the Ice Cream Banana, because it tastes like-you guessed it, dog shit. I'm kidding, it totally tastes like ice cream. At least, that's what wikipedia and that website trying to sell them says. If a naturally growing plant makes fruit that tastes like vanilla custard and is blue before it becomes ripe...I want to eat it. It's also known as the Blue Java Banana, because of the silvery blue sheen an unripe berry has.

Now, there are exactly two bananas listed here that I have not eaten. I didn't list those tiny red bananas because they taste exactly like the cavendish. Oops, I just listed them. And I have eaten them.

What bananas are available in your various international markets?

 

The most popular kind of bananas in the Netherlands are the Chiquita. It has a good taste and stays longer fresh than a regular banana. I do not think we had something like Cavendish or Big Mike here. But perhaps it is only marketed in the US.

 

Cavendish galore here. And the ladies fingers variety which tastes like chalk unless properly ripe.

Cavendish are usually superabundant here in Oz, but this year have quadrupled in price after tropical storms in north queensland.

It is most vexing, because banananas are one of the few foods you can live on exclusively. It is ape-food extraordinaire and my customary bachelor chow of choice. All glory to the banananana. Na.

 

I bet Jojojojobobobobo likes banananananas.

 

What's your source? Also, what other single foods offer near-complete nutrition?

 

My source was a biochemistry lecture, but I can't back that up. And avacadoes, but I don't care for them.

 

Yeah I saw that, but even my own Google search for a nutrient-complete single food claims that the potato falls short.

I doubt there's a good single food, but there are probably many combinations of simple foods. I could probably subsist on vegetarian chili and quinoa for a very long time.

 

If you're just starting that now, you've got at most 10 years before you run out of B12 stores in your liver and develop symptoms shockingly similar to Alzheimers and MS.

Good news, everyone!
Figured how to cook the chunky banana. Thinly sliced, glazed with brown sugar and some honey, fried in some olive oil, and tada! Tastes like a lemony sweet potato.