Going Crazy

Lets forget about that chick, I wish I could.

 

You know what they say: Once you go fat, you don't go back.

 

My mom burned sage and "purified" the house, and my night terrors got worse. I "awoke" to a black mass terrorizing me in the night, and I said, "I can see you, you bastard!" To which it simply replied, and smugly, at that, "I know". I got away from it and began to speak to my mom in the dream, trying to explain what had just happened. She put her own spin on it, but seemed totally disinterested in what I had to say. If I see it again and am not scared, I'll ask questions to determine how its presence relates to my situation. I really woke up drenched in sweat, in the middle of the night, saying, "No, no, no." I tried going back to sleep.
This morning I had a dream of a large red bird. It looked like a transparent heron, and I assumed it was another one of my "demon's" forms. It looked at me for a while, then tried to fly away into a far off point of light, but since I thought it was evil I grabbed on to it and began to crush it with all I had. It struggled a bit, then pushed its beak through its own body and touched my chest. I then woke up. In retrospect, I don't think it was trying to harm me in the dream.
Then, I saw the black mass again, but this time it was smaller and wispy, looking like a spherical vortex. It didn't speak to me, but I still tried to get away from it, and began clawing my way out of the sheets on my bed. However, the sheets I was wrapped in were transparent, but I could see them with my hands in front of my face. They had words on them, but I was moving the sheets too fast to read any of what they had to say. It took what seemed like forever to get out of those sheets, and I called for help. It came in the form of my mother, but she had a streak of blue hair. She began to tear at the sheets with me, and said she didn't know how she was going to get me out.
I awoke again, drenched in sweat. I'm exhausted, but awake. I tried sleeping in the living room, on the futon, hoping that maybe I'll sleep better on a different bed. I have sleep paralysis, disembodied voices, all the fun stuff. I try to roll off of the futon, and have minor success! However, something was behind me in my dream, keeping me on the futon. I couldn't even see it, as it was behind me, but it felt like a large dog. I have a large dog (shepherd labrador mix), but it's not that big, and it would have let me roll off of the futon.
This is my second day clean, and things are worse. I hate my mind.

 

Waking up bathing in sweat? One word: Withdrawal.

 

Sounds like you're hitting the withdrawal wall. Stay focused and keep up the fight, the next few things your brain throws your way as it moans for just the tiniest bit of the chemical will be quite intense. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors, you've come quite far already.

Indeed. The mind is an organ to be respected and revered, nurtured and bathed in only the most absolute of truths and information. The entire physiological system itself is just as important, rather. For without one or the other, you have neither the form nor function to adequately exist as one does. It is unfortunate that some individuals do not recognize this importance of the mind without years of direct life experience behind them.

 

Weed withdrawal...something I never thought existed until today. From all of the accounts I've read, it's predominantly mental, with some physical symptoms arising from anxiety. I feel calmer now than I was, even two days ago, but I still have the urge to smoke. Ah well, it's a natural process.

 

You can always try to stop some couple of days, to see if you have the same sort kind of dreams. Perhaps you then know if they inflicted through smoking weed. In addition, you are not the only one who has weird and lifelike dreams.

I once dreamed that I was on a battlefield, fighting many monsterous enemies. Then I lifted up my right arm, and then suddenly I wore black armor and had a flaming sword. Well, this was one of the lesser horrible and weird dreams.

 

I like the cross and the dream catcher. Go see a psychic or a wise woman.

 

Try to do this - when you're in your dream, make a reality check to make sure it's a dream. Then, activate lucid dreaming and become an awesome person who can do and create anything at will. In said dream.

 

Somebody has seen Inception.

 

After careful reflection and consideration, I've concluded that the moral of that movie is this: You just never know when you might get hit by a train.

 

Not gonna lie, I actually thought about that before I vented here. Though, I had no idea where to find one. That plan dead in the water, I figured I'd do what I do best;
Become paranoid and neurotic, and tell you guys about it.

 

Another thing to check: possible hypoglycemia. If you have it you have to keep your blood sugar constant, or mood swings, muscle spasms, and hallucinations manifest.

Also, avoid antidepressants. Some of them have a side effect of psychotic breaks.

 

Well, I already have diabetes, so hypoglycemia is approximately half of my concerns. The other half being, of course, hyperglycemia. For now, I have to keep taking antidepressants and antipsychotics, and may need to take them for the rest of my life.
Hypoglycemia has given me nightmares before, and I've ended up waking confused and sweaty. And oh so hungry.
Really, it's not that bad, unless I can't summon the rationality to take care of myself.
The good news is, a day after my last post in the thread, my nightmares stopped. My last dream was about cloning neanderthals. We have the ability to do it, but noone wants to shell out the money. I say go for it. The whole of their possible culture was wiped away by the glaciers during the ice age, so having one pure-bred neanderthal might give us clues into our own development as a species, what with having anywhere form 1 to 4% of their dna in our bodies (if we're non-african). I'm curious.

 

However the climate and environment has drastically changed since then so we wouldn't get any accurate data on their culture or reactions. Biologically perhaps but even then whats to say we wouldn't create an evil kryptonian who in turn enslaves us all.

 

We won't create a Kyrptonian because it is impossible. Simply put.

 

From demons to intellectual debate about cloning our ancestors in 3.5 seconds flat. A remarkable improvement. Keep it up.

 

I'm mostly curious about the neanderthal brain. It was larger than ours, but we've got no idea how neanderthals lived their lives, aside from stone tools and skeletal remains. Did we wipe them out, or breed them out? I'm willing to believe a little bit of both. If science creates a neanderthal, we'll know how they differed from us, and how we're similar. Were they just too slow to compete (mentally...I know they definitely couldn't run as well as us)?
There are remains from 30-k years ago that may be hybrid humans, due to shared characteristics present in the skeleton that are hard to explain otherwise.
I've seen reconstructions of neanderthal faces; they look like us, but something about them is just different.
I also read that finds formerly associated with the aurignacians are being credited to neaderthals, namely some bone flutes and a shell with red ochre, showing neanderthals had a grasp of not only music, but symbolism.