Yo

Most, not all!

In Tasmania we're shielded from most of that shit atleast, but I do admit politics here are fucked. The current premier is an agnostic fucktard that I seriously feel like smacking in the head every time his mug appears on TV. And the liberals want to build a fucking TOLL ROAD in the midlands. You will see no more than 20 cars for the majority of it on the average day, I guarantee you.

And here I was thinking I'm the only tasmanian who enjoys the cold.

 

When it comes down to hot versus cold I will ALWAYS take cold.

In the cold, you can always add another layer. When it's hot, there's a limit to how much you can take off before you get arrested for indecent exposure.

 

There again in the cold one cannot sleep naked. In the heat, unless your sleeping on a park bench you are probably going to get away with it.

 

We all know how it pains you to have him back, Vorak.

But you're just going to have to grin and bear it.

 

I never liked Blinky either. Then again, Vorak doesn't like me. Neither does Blinky as a matter of fact. I suppose i should be quiet now....

 

If not somewhat depressing.

 

Now bear in mind he was looking for help.

 

Also bear in mind that he doesn't appear to have come back since.

Oh god, I punned without even noticing. What have you people done to me?

 

Can we even be sure that that was Blinky?

:dum dum dum duuum!:

 

This doesn't seem very Blinky969. More, Blinky969's little brother.

 

We have two national languages, but only one bilingual province (New Brunswick). Everybody except Quebec and New Brunswick has the official language of English, and Quebec has the official language of French. In certain places, you're more likely to here Asian dialects (Indian and Oriental) before you hear French. Also, unless you decide to live in Vancouver (which, while expensive, exists on a natural climate that is the most livable in the world for human beings), the cold will annihilate you. Tasmanians have never shut down their city because of a massive snowstorm that piled itself up several stories like White Juan in Halifax a few years back. Nor have they ever started trading firewood like currency like in Montreal! Don't come here because it is cold. Come here because you like the standard of living and the value system.

Rather than completely bash my own country, though, I'll point out some good things, too. We have Stratford, the pinnacle of theatre acting in North America. I, personally, think it is better than Broadway because it lacks in the blatant corruption and star-pandering of the latter. I saw West Side Story there last week and it was amazing. I also saw Bartholomew Fair last month, the first time this play has been performed outside of England.

Montreal is, indeed, a great place to go. It is a bit false that it becomes comedy gold once per year, since the Just for Laughs festival is not nearly as big a deal as it pretends to be on TV. Cirque de Soleil is great, though. As are many of the other sites and sounds. I wouldn't go to live there unless you know French, however, because the city is 75% French-speaking, and Quebec has a law against using English on your signs. Great place to visit, though. You can get booze from vending machines.

The Maritimes are also a great place to go, if you ignore New Brunswick and PEI completely (there is nothing on PEI. Don't go. There is a big bridge and the most elaborate Anne of Green Gables fan fiction larping ever. It's not worth it). Halifax is a growing cultural centre, and remains a popular site for the film industry to this day. Newfoundland is also quite good, though it is probably Canada's version of Tasmania, except colder and with more (less?) fish. If you want to live in Newfoundland, go now, because it is prime season for houses right now. My sister and her husband just bought their second house there for under a hundred thousand dollars, paying in cash. The premier is also competent, despite the numerous problems which have plagued the province since it joined Confederation (a great deal of Newfoundlanders are actually still upset about having joined Canada). Among inter-Canadian racism, Newfoundland receives (and, in turn, gives back) the most abuse. Maritime provinces, in general, are treated poorly, but Newfoundland receives the worst treatment of all. Right now, people are complaining that Newfoundlanders are greedy for trying to stake sole claim to offshore oil drilling around the province. Newfoundland argues that it has been unfairly treated for 60 years and has had to support itself on fisheries and hunting for its entire history. You can decide on who's in the right for yourself.

On the West, we have a number of great locales, but they may not be what you are looking for. Vancouver and Vancouver Island are in a Maritime West Climate, likely the most comfortable climate in which to live. There is a good deal of gang violence there. Many people (news media included) like to pretend it has turned into Rio de Janeiro, but it has not. Note, however, that British Columbia treats workers very unfairly. Until you have 200 hours of work experience, your minimum wage is set to $6.15, compared to around $8-9 everywhere else in the province. Most people tend to be laid off at around the 199 hour mark. Yep, sounds real fair to me. Besides that, Vancouver is a very good place to live, with plenty to do. If you can handle the constant fearmongering, it's a great choice. Unfortunately, it does not actually get cold there (when I lived in Surrey (one of the subcities near Vancouver), we would complain if it dropped to -10), and in recent years has actually experienced major heat waves, with temperatures rising to 30 degrees and above. You will not be able to afford both an air conditioner and rent.

Alberta is in a great state right now! They don't pay sales tax, their economy is booming, and life is good. However, once the oil runs out, I'm not entirely sure what they will do.

Saskatchewan and Manitoba are pretty well the same. They get plenty cold in the Wintertime, so I guess you'd like it. Nothing really happens. Don't go to Winnipeg, nobody likes it there.

Ontario, where I am now, is pretty neat. I have not seen all of it, but there is a lot of beautiful landscape. Also, we have a very ethnically diverse community (more ethnically diverse than British Columbia, which has a large variety of people of Caucasian (especially Wasps and Scandinavians), Asian and Indian heritage, but not a lot of Middle-Easterners, Eastern Europeans, French people, etc. etc. Also, this may or may not be a good thing in your eyes. It is hard to tell on terra-arcanum sometimes). I can't really say too much about it, really. It's pretty basic here. Even the Ontarians don't seem to have an opinion on their province.

Yukon, Northwest Territories, and Nunavut are lightly populated. If you do choose a northern territory, I would suggest the Yukon. It's a lot like Alaska there. NWT and Nunavut are just vast expanses of barren tundra. Everybody up there are oil explorers, scientists, or Inuit peoples. If the Inuit lifestyle appeals to you, take this choice. It is also very cold here. The Inuit tell stories about people who horrifically lost their fingers because they dropped a glove while traveling. So yeah, coldest place is FTW.

If you want to be a Tim Horton's loving 'eh' style Canadian, go as far East as possible. The farther West you go, the less we like Tim Horton's. Also, our parallels to American Culture become more and more apparent.

Where you go may depend on your field of study and chosen profession, as well. If you are a computer scientist, you will want to go to Ontario, where they are replacing the failing auto industry by importing game development companies (being led by Ubisoft). If you are in oil or environmental work, choose a maritime province, probably Newfoundland. If you're going into show business, you'll want Ontario or British Columbia (Stratford being the only place in Canada where you can make a living as a theatre actor, and Toronto and Vancouver being large film centres). If you want to live in a town that has (good) bars every two doors, go to Halifax. If you want to join the military (but who immigrates to another country and joins their army?), then cross your fingers and hope they don't send you to Cold Lake, Gagetown, or Pedawawa. Annapolis Valley is probably the best military region. If you want to go into business, most of the regions will probably do, but the Maritimes are a prime location for entrepreneurs. If you want to take further studies, there are a variety of excellent universities in this country, including Waterloo, McGill, Toronto, Memorial, and Dalhousie (among others, of course). If you want to be a teacher, aim for the West. Education is in crisis in the East. If you want to be a medical doctor, try the Maritimes (especially Newfoundland). It will be a much more stressful job, but you will get much more out of it (in both resources and personal pride) due to the Atlantic's doctor shortage. If you are a gynecologist, go to Newfoundland and join your friends in holding the province's vaginas ransom on regular intervals. If you want to be something else, seriously question your reasoning behind leaving your country, and make sure you research your prospects. There is no more room here for elderly people, for instance, so if that is your profession, please stay home.

 

Some effort went into that Fucker.

 

Well done , Grakelin. If your current profession gets to be too much, you may want to consider a career writing travel brochures.

 

So Grakelin, where in Canada would be optimal for a biochemist?

 

Nice post, Grakelin. Can I get a tl;dr?

 

Bloody Hell! While I have been away for two weeks (South-East of France), I can see that a lot has happened here. Let me see…PD has a cool custom avatar, Congratulations. Drog has disappeared into oblivion. DarkFool was rightfully unbanned through others. It was really getting out of hands with Drog, who was putting himself in trouble with his policy about the complaining about grave digging. Bell Hooks is gone again. Blinky has returned to us. It seems that Canada has more to offer, then snow, mountains, wilderness, and Grizzly Bears. Muro still need a custom avvy. Did I miss more things?

 

I have returned.