You're constantly jumping to loosely-based conclusions. If you killed all of those who "wanted to die" (I don't think that anybody really wants to die; I think they want their suffering to end but are unable to find any other way than pulling the plug), then what makes your scenario with the earth becoming a "shithole" the only possible truth? How many are there really out there who really want to die, as in not end their suffering but die simply to end their existence? Something tells me they're extremely few. Wouldn't it be better simply to find a way to end the suffering with everybody still alive to apreciate it? I think that you need to find something to make your life worth living again, and that you need help in finding it. Maybe professional help. Pick up a hobby, or start dating people. If that doesn't help, seek out a therapist. I think you could change if you just met the right people, or found a passion for something. OR, maybe you're just craving attention.