What are your most unimpressive achievements?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Smuel, Dec 13, 2011.

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  1. Smuel

    Smuel Well-Known Member

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    In the spirit of Jojobobo's recent threads, here's one in a similar vein from me. What things have you achieved which are singularly unimpressive, yet worth boasting about to a bunch of strangers on the internet? Example:

    I consider myself to be a frequent urinator. Not overly so - I don't have a problem in that area, but I would typically relieve myself five times per day. And yet, yesterday, I managed to go from 8:40am to 7:05pm without a single tinkle. That's over ten hours - probably a personal best. Normally I would expect to go twice in that time. The strange thing is that I didn't drink any less than usual - I can only explain it as being slighty dehydrated from the previous day, but even then, not by very much.

    Ten hours without a wee, without really trying. That's my unimpressive achievement.
     
  2. Jojobobo

    Jojobobo Well-Known Member

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    I received a Junior Sports Leadership Award at school, qualifying me to lead a small group of five to eight year olds in activities barely related to sports - such as star jumps and the like. I consider that a pretty unimpressive achievement, yet to date I've put it on every application I've made as evidence that I have superb leadership skills. Hopefully one day I'll be put in a life or death situation where leading a group of 5 to 8 year olds in sport activities is the only way to save myself, but til that day the award will always be highly unimpressive.

    Also I must say I like how you record the times of your urination Smuel.
     
  3. Smuel

    Smuel Well-Known Member

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    I don't record the times, I'm just capable of remembering them in this instance, mainly because I always get up at the same time on weekdays, so can estima... look, you aren't really interested in this, are you.

    Another completely unimpressive achievement was a few years ago, when I was eating an apple, and I managed to... well, this will take some explaining. When I eat an apple I cut it into quarters from the bottom up to the stem, then I cut a thin slice from the bottom of each piece towards the centre, cut a wedge out of the centre, and then another thin slice up towards the stem, so that I'm left with four edible cored quarters of apple, and four quarter-cores, which I throw away.

    So, one time, I managed to cut the stem into quarters too, all the way up to the knobbly bit at the end, which I left intact. And I then cut the cores from the apple while leaving them attached together. A most unimpressive achievement, I think you'll agree. Though it's actually more difficult than it sounds, and in fact I aim to do this every time I eat an apple, but invariably the stem breaks apart long before I'm done with the final quarter. Or else I miss the stem with my first cut and it's entirely on one of the subsequent quarter-cores.
     
  4. Jojobobo

    Jojobobo Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, yeah; I'm sure that's what everyone who meticulously records the time at which they pee says. I can see it now: "9:45pm, pee slightly tinged red in colour. Not too much, but not too little; a satisfying urination. Note to self: lay off the pickled beetroot."
     
  5. Philes

    Philes Well-Known Member

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    I once posted in a thread on the internet.
     
  6. Grakelin

    Grakelin New Member

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    One time, while watching "The Room" at the local indie theatre, I made a completely original and hilarious joke. When Tommy says "Wow, great job, Lisa, you invited all my friends!" I yelled "Not Peter!" and everybody lol'd.
     
  7. magikot

    magikot Well-Known Member

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    Starting a "Rudy!" chant during the midnight viewing of Lord of the Rings: Return of the King at the end when Sam says "I cant carry this burden for you Mr. Frodo. But I can carry you!"
     
  8. Smuel

    Smuel Well-Known Member

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    I've thought of another one. I know, I'm just full of unimpressiveness.

    A few months ago, in a pub quiz, there was a picture round, with faces of famous people who we were supposed to put names to. One of them was labelled as a "TV Star" and she was a young woman who nobody in my team recognised, including me. However, something about the fake tan and dark hair suggested to me that it was a Kardashian. Now, I don't really know much about the Kardashians, but I can recognize Kim*, and I was pretty sure it wasn't Khloe. So that left... who? I didn't know, but someone at the table said that there was another one called Kourtney. So I decided that it must be Kourtney Kardashian, and wrote it down as the answer.

    It was the correct answer.

    Of course, ever since then the rest of my so-called friends on the team have unfairly mocked me for being obsessed with the Kardashians. But hey - that's what friends are for.

    * Though I can't tell the difference between Kim Kardashian and Nicole Scherzinger. Then again - who can? Those two are even worse than Katy Perry and Zooey Deschanel in terms of similarity.
     
  9. DarkFool

    DarkFool Nemesis of the Ancients

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    I've read through every active thread in this forum, in it's entirely, while sober.
     
  10. Grossenschwamm

    Grossenschwamm Well-Known Member

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    Are you really sober? Or are you referring to some point in the distant past?
    Ah, I have one;
    I've been drug free for 8 months. You might say that's impressive, but it really isn't when you consider I'm broke and actually weighed my priorities.
     
  11. Drog Alt

    Drog Alt Member

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    有一次我给个小姐口了 你说我是不是傻逼 不过她性感一逼 我就忍不住了
     
  12. Grossenschwamm

    Grossenschwamm Well-Known Member

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    Alright, so google translate sucks for Chinese. I'm guessing you went down on a woman.
     
  13. Smuel

    Smuel Well-Known Member

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    I'm guessing he went down on what he initially thought was a woman, and is now questioning his sexuality.
     
  14. Jojobobo

    Jojobobo Well-Known Member

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    I'm guessing HWLFP has hacked Drog's account, given the other thread - though I might be wrong and maybe Drog really did just want boast about his escapades with a transgender person.
     
  15. Muro

    Muro Well-Known Member

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    This is pretty normal Drog behaviour, actually. It's his way of telling us he's alive and well.
     
  16. Philes

    Philes Well-Known Member

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    No, normal would be semi-random hatred and verbal abuse directed toward someone who either is too ignorant to realize their mistake or too stupid to change anyway.
     
  17. Grossenschwamm

    Grossenschwamm Well-Known Member

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    This is almost like he found some E and well, the rest is history.
     
  18. Muro

    Muro Well-Known Member

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    When it comes to this place, yes, but there's also the RPG Codex.
     
  19. Philes

    Philes Well-Known Member

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    I remember discovering the RPG Codex for the first time ever when I followed a link in DU's sig on these forums around late 2006. It seemed like a caustic place full of elitist circle jerking. I may have been wrong but I never really spent much time there after that other than the random link to a thread here and there.

    So I have no idea what his modus operandi is there.
     
  20. Grossenschwamm

    Grossenschwamm Well-Known Member

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    That's what I consider this place, actually. Perhaps if I actually looked at the RPG codex, I'd change my mind.
     
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