"True Lies"

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Darkwalker, Sep 18, 2002.

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  1. Darkwalker

    Darkwalker Member

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    In an attempt to get to know one another a little better, I thought it might be fun to relay our most embarrassing stories of all time. As a show of good faith, I'll go first.


    In the winter of 98' I was stationed in Hawaii, and was part of a group of guys selected to prepare a ballroom for a change of command reception. Knowing I had an easy day cut out for me, I thought it a good idea to get rip roaring drunk the night before, and proceeded to do just that. I'm sure you can all identify with the hunger associated after a night of partying, and I was no exception. So upon arriving back to my barracks room I stumbled over to the refrigerator to see what I might find. To my dismay there was only a jar of salsa. Needless to say, I devoured the contents in three great gulps and promptly passed out. The next day everything was going fine until my buddy and I had to move a full keg of beer across the ballroom floor. Upon initially lifting the heavy thing I felt a tremendous urge to fart and let it fly. What followed was a nightmare unlike anything I had ever experienced. I had completely shit my pants. Moving across the huge ballroom floor keg in tow, I could feel the mess slowly making it's way down my leg. Once the keg was in place I looked at the nearest head (bathroom for you non military types) it was all the way on the other side of the floor. I began the long trek to salvation, quickly waddling to keep the mess contained as much as possible. I dropped my pants in the stall to begin clean up efforts. It was hopeless, I had large chunks of tomatoe and onion everywhere. I pulled out my knife and cut the boxers off. I hopped over to the row of sinks and quickly started washing up. As I sat there in the sink furiously scrubbing away, I prayed no one would walk in. That was not the case, and forever after I was on the receiving end of gifts such as baby wipes, training pants, and the well intentioned ridicule of my shipmates. :)
     
  2. Luchaire

    Luchaire New Member

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  3. Darkwalker

    Darkwalker Member

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  4. Hel Khat

    Hel Khat New Member

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    There is nothing in my 38 years of life experiance that can compare with that story. I don't know why you told it but I am STILL laughing about it :D So I will at least try with an embarassing story of my own:

    I was 15 years old the oldest kid in my family and growing up in the Bronx. At that age trying to find a "click" to belong to in high school is not only important but recommended for survival :eek: It was soon that I saw HER (you all know HER, she is the first person that you ever saw and just KNEW that you were in love (yes I know I'm gay but this happend B4 I found that out :p) ) Her name (for sake of argument) was Dorrene and she was a senior and me a poor assed 10th grader didn't stand a chance and I should know better right? WRONG, for the next 3 months I spent every minute finding out who her friends were and where they hung out until 3 month latter I got met her! She was one of the coolest nicest people I had ever meant I was shocked cause she was so beautiful!

    Anyway She and her friends actually (thank God) took a liking to me and invited me to hangout with them that night. My very first night out as an ADULT hanging out with peps 2 to 3 years older then me I was in Heaven! I never drank B4 but I got drunk that night! We went places and then 5 of us ended up hangout on a stairway smokin pot and drinking some more. Dorren was there and she looked beautiful in her tight red pants I sat happily at her feet drunk off my ass listening to the other guys tell stories. Suddenly I realized that I had to go to the bathroom cause I was feeling a little sick. I got up and turned to the others to say something and I PUKED all over Dorrens beautiful red pants!!! (I wanted to die)

    She got up cursing and bitching I thought she would hate me for the rest of her life (everyone else was laughing and I think she even struck me upside the head before she went home.). But the next day she forgave me and we were the best of friends until she graduated.

    Sorry it was the best I could think of....
     
  5. Windmills

    Windmills New Member

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    I am about to share with everyone on this forum something I've only told 3 people *ever* in my life. Why am I doing it? I don't know. I'm crazy. And my heart was touched by Darkwalker's tale of woe. :-?

    It was the summer of '94. I was 15 years old, and had just been introduced by a RL friend to an online MUCK called FurryMUCK (If you've heard of the place, you'd likely cringe, if you haven't - you're very lucky - save your sanity - don't go there.) Well, of course, this was LONG before FurryMUCK had the infamy it did now, so little did I know this place was far more perverted than it appeared. (Here I thought it was just this cutesy little animal RPG social MUD.) My name is Windmills on there, just like here, and I still have a character there, but for the reasons I'm about the mention, I don't log on there very much anymore.
    I initially liked it there. There were interesting people to talk to in real time, both IC and OOC. In fact, there are a handful of people who I became very good friends with. I even met my now-husband on a MUSH which was an offshoot of that MUCK. (He DOES NOT have even the slightest of the perversions I'm about to let you in on).

    Oh, by the way, if you have no idea what the hell I'm talking about with MUCK's, MUSHes, and MUD's - here ya go: http://wso.williams.edu:8000/~msulliva/mushes/explan.html

    So, as I said, I was 15, and a FurryMUCK newbie that summer. Now, I must admit to you that I was quite the nymphette back then - I had just discovered the seamy underbelly of the internet and was...how shall we say? ...a bit too curious for my own good. So I log onto Furry late that summer night, and went to the West Corner of the Park (The "common room" on FurryMUCK where people talk and meet en masse). None of the friends I usually talk with were there, so I opted on meeting some new people. I met two new folks that night, and it started out innocently enough - we were discussing Sylvia Plath (I had just finished reading "The Bell Jar" and really adored it) and it led into a discussion of other authors, poets like Anne Sexton, Robert Frost, Walt Whitman, etc. so as you can see, the following came completely by surprise.

    One of the two guys I was speaking with had to go for the night. I forgot his character's name. That left just me and the second guy - whose name was "Assinio." (The significance of this name will momentarily become apprent.) Apparently the significance of the name didn't dawn on *me* however, besides the obvious fact that his online IC character was a donkey. We spoke for a few minutes longer, when he suggested - "Hey, I have a prepaid phonecard, I'm tired of typing, how about I call you up? What's your number?"

    - Okay, bells and alarms should have been going off at this point, but remember, this was in the early days of the internet, and I was only *15* -

    So I gave him my number. He called me. He had this deep voice, with a slight british accent - indicating he was originally from there, but lived in the U.S. long enough for it to slightly dissipate - his accent immediately made me weak at the knees. ;-)

    It started off as a continuation of the online conversation - early century poets and then moved to beat poetry (Kerouac and the like) etc. And then he started asking me more personal questions, like my age and did I have a boyfriend, etc. etc. I immediately picked up on his intention and started flirting, asking him why he was interested, and all that. Then it started to get interesting. He had asked me if I had wanted to do him a little favor.

    Stupid nubile thing I was I said - "okay? What?" He said:

    "Would you be my little donkey for me?"

    "What?"

    "You know, it would just make me happy, if you were my little donkey"

    And I know many of you are laughing your BALLS off, but I was like putty in his hands. That accent. That voice. I complied.

    "What would you have me do?"

    "Bray like a donkey for me baby."

    "Okay...'Hee-Haw'"

    "No, do it like you MEAN it."

    "Ummmm...'HAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW'??"

    "Yes, yes, keep doing that!"

    ...and um....I did. I couldn't help myself. It was a mixture of not knowing what else to fucking do, and complete amazement that this guy was SERIOUS...he was whacking himself off to this!"

    So you know, it went like that for about 15 minutes or so (Yes...15 MINUTES) Then he was...um...finished. Thanked me "ever so kindly," and hung up.

    I never heard from him again.

    I wondered for many years after that if he had made a complete FOOL (Or is that a complete ASS) of me...but really, he was completely, totally and honestly sincere in his arousal by all of this...either that or an EXCELLENT actor.

    Anyway... to make an already LONG story shorter: Never again did I want to associate myself with the various frequenters of FurryMUCK.

    Here's a lesson for you girls: Don't let guys you barely know call you on the phone. Especially ones named "Assinio."

    So there it is. I still can't believe I'm telling you all this. :oops: ...Must...press...submit...
     
  6. Hel Khat

    Hel Khat New Member

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    Now that IS funny!!!! And yet it's soooo sick! I feel really bad for you but it's one for the books :rofl: .

    It does prove a point however: "Brits are sick fuck"

    JOKING only most of them are Not ALL :wink:
     
  7. Jarinor

    Jarinor New Member

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    I'd share an embarassing story, but I don't have one, or I can't remember it.

    Darkwalker, yours is pretty shocking.
     
  8. slagger21

    slagger21 New Member

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    i think we need a forum for 'classic' threads like this lolx :lol:
     
  9. Ct0fDiscord

    Ct0fDiscord New Member

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    Hey windmills, I think I saw you on the latest episode of crank yankers "Crank Yanker Classics" :D
     
  10. Windmills

    Windmills New Member

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    If that's the case, I want my share of the revenue. They'd better send me a big fat check or they'll be hearing from my lawyer! :wink:
     
  11. Luchaire

    Luchaire New Member

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    Repressed. Deeply, deeply repressed... and I...will...not...dredge...them...up...

    Must...resist...

    AAAAHHHH!!!

    My therapist warned me about this sort of thing!

    Damn you, man... damn you!


    *sob*
     
  12. Darkwalker

    Darkwalker Member

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    I just wanted to extend my thanks to those of you who shared your stories, and to those of you who got a chuckle out of mine. I must admit I was a bit dissapointed that more people havn't written their own stories. Where ya at Sheriff, Milo, Vlad, Etalis, Dragoon, DarkUnderlord, etc?
     
  13. Milo

    Milo New Member

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    You all that are shocked or dismayed by Darkwalker's experience need to quit lying and posturing. We've all taken shits in our pants at one time or another, and if you deny this then I will laugh at you and cut you because you're lying.

    I don't think I have any embarrassing stories to share.
     
  14. Sheriff Fatman

    Sheriff Fatman Active Member

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    Just tell a random episode from your life, judging from your past prowess in the area of humiliation.
     
  15. Darkwalker

    Darkwalker Member

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    Milo, thanks for backing me up on the shit your pants thing, I have a question for you, is that Del Torro on your new sig?
     
  16. Milo

    Milo New Member

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    Yeah, that's a screenshot of Frankie "Fucking" Four Finger's intro in Snatch.

    BTW - I get silly with the screenshots now that my encoding computer is hooked up to the internet. SILLY.

    If anyone wants a screenshot-based sig from one of these movies:

    -Snatch
    -Reservoir Dogs
    -Royal Tenenbaums
    -Amelie
    -Kung Pow! Enter the Fist
    -Black Hawk Down
    -Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
    -O Brother Where Art Thou
    -Lord of the Rings, Fellowship of the Rings
    -Ansel Adams PBS Documentary

    ... just let me know. I'll have access to more movies as I rent them. I don't mind doing screenshot sigs because all it involves is a little frame-by-frame, some cropping and the slapping on of text. Almost no creativity involved. Weee.
     
  17. Quethim

    Quethim New Member

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    You know, I'm only 15, so I really don't got no stories, I'm a plain and boring person you know? Only thing funny that would make lots of you laugh is that I was really friendless untill I reached the 6th grade, but that's not really funny, or is it? Anyways, a retard tried choking me last year, it was not cool, cause he was an actual RETARD, and so I did not want to fight back, it would prove that I am weak. "Yay! I can beat up a retard, I feel special now!" Well, I still got a lot of years left of my life, mabye something dumb will happen to me, you never know with this world! I got child stories from when I was a child. I'll tell you one.

    I was like 2 or 3 though, so it won't be too funny. Anyways I had a brother about 5 or 6 and a sister about 3 or 4. Anyways, I was little, and a shit my "diaper" that day. So I decided to take the diaper off or something, and I started playing in the shit, wierd eh? But this is the funny part, my brother and sister also started playing in the shit. But I don't quite rememeber how old all of us were, but I spelt my name on the wall with shit.
     
  18. Luchaire

    Luchaire New Member

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    Umm... okay.

    How could I possibly hope to top that?
     
  19. Milo

    Milo New Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  20. Luchaire

    Luchaire New Member

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    On rethinking this...

    Dude, you were old enough to spell your name, but still wearing diapers?
     
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