Smuel's good morning extravaganza

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Smuel, May 3, 2012.

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  1. Zanza

    Zanza Well-Known Member

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    Poor Jojobobo. He was taken before his time.
     
  2. Jungle Japes

    Jungle Japes Well-Known Member

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    I like to think that he had some sort of laboratory accident, and is now in hiding as he comes to grips with his new superpowers.
     
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  3. Smuel

    Smuel Well-Known Member

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    I assume what actually happened is that he finally put a ring on it.

    waits for Jojobobo to misinterpret this as putting a cock ring on his penis

    By which I mean that he finally took his fiancée up the aisle.

    waits...

    i.e. He got married and he's now too busy having sex with his wife to post here.

    waits...

    And by "sex" I'm referring to the act of putting his penis into her vagina.

    waits...

    JOJOBOBO HAS A PENIS!

    waits...

    Ah, I miss that guy.

    Good morning.
     
  4. Zanza

    Zanza Well-Known Member

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    Ah yes, the proverbial arrow to the knee.
     
  5. Smuel

    Smuel Well-Known Member

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    Long time forum friend.
    A wild woman appears!
    I am pressing F.

    Good morning.
     
  6. Jojobobo

    Jojobobo Well-Known Member

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    Not dead, or married, just poorly organised (definitely not superpowers... honest...). With my most recent job I get in at 6 at night, and for the past couple of months I've picked up the filthy vice of exercising. That combined with general housework and cooking as well as getting up early in the morning (exciting I know) means I have a lot less time in the evening than I used to. I mean, I have to squeeze in playing The Outer Worlds at some point!

    The exercise is going reasonably, I've lost nearly 1 and half stone. Hopefully by the time I'm 30 I'll have enough loose skin to envelope my enemies.

    I'll try not to be so neglectful with posting, if only to make the haiku stop. Good morning.
     
  7. Smuel

    Smuel Well-Known Member

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    Aw man, why do you gotta spoil our fun?

    Glad to hear you're getting your life together, and that my potion of strength recipe motivated you to start exercising. I assume that my recipe was your motivation - what else could it possibly be?

    Good morning.
     
  8. Jojobobo

    Jojobobo Well-Known Member

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    I can confirm your recipes cause dramatic weight loss and bleeding from several orifices.

    Good morning!
     
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  9. Arthgon

    Arthgon Well-Known Member

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    Wow. And I thought that The Tree got you or something.

    Weight loss, but it will make several orifices bleed? Yeah. Looks like one of those commercials that is promoting those medicins that could help against certain problems, but will cause severe damage to everything else.

    Oh, and Good morning.
     
  10. Zanza

    Zanza Well-Known Member

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    Arthgon is the most advanced bot I've ever seen.
     
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  11. Arthgon

    Arthgon Well-Known Member

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    Of course, Bots are always that negative about what they want to sell and will sure tell everyone that it is not advised to go and use their pretty deadly products, right? Oh wait.....

    Oh and good morning.
     
  12. Smuel

    Smuel Well-Known Member

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    Arthgon contemplates,
    Are my thoughts really my own?
    Get cheap Viagra!

    Good morning.
     
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  13. Smuel

    Smuel Well-Known Member

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    Since my haiku evidently has the power to bring people back from the dead, here's another one:

    Upbeat doom-sayer,
    Bumming around Australia.
    Fight the system, please.

    Good morning.
     
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  14. Smuel

    Smuel Well-Known Member

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    I forced a bot to read 1000 hours of Terra Arcanum forum posts, and then asked it to write a screenplay. Here's the result:


    EXT. A FOREST IN SWEDEN

    A DARK ELF is stalking his prey, which is a TREE. Suddenly he spots a group of TROLLS, who are SMUEL, ZANZA and JOJOBOBO.

    SMUEL
    Good morning.

    JOJOBOBO
    Good morning. I have an uncle who specialises in rape. He works for the vegetable oil industry. Rape refers to rapeseed, I have misdirected you with sexual terms.

    SMUEL
    I appreciate this style of humor but I wish we were talking about politics or religion instead.

    ZANZA
    Nope.

    SMUEL
    You didn't say the magic word, which is good morning.

    ZANZA
    The police is my day job but in my spare time I am a troll. I will never say good morning.

    DARK ELF is bored of listening to the TROLLS. He puts on a MONOCLE and looks around for the TREE. It is in the distance, menacingly. DARK ELF needs to use a vehicle to destroy it. He casts a summoning spell, and JUNGLE JAPES arrives in a HELICOPTER.

    JUNGLE JAPES
    Good morning. This is my last mission before retirement.

    DARK ELF
    I understand your ominous cliché because my English is perfect.

    JUNGLE JAPES flies the HELICOPTER and crashes it into the TREE.

    DARK ELF
    Thank you for dying like an American hero.

    But JUNGLE JAPES was only TROLLING and is still alive. He goes to work at CINNABON. DARK ELF relaxes now that the TREE is destroyed. He returns to observe the group of TROLLS. There is a new TROLL who is secretly a BOT in disguise.

    ARTHGON
    Good morning. I am a normal troll like all of you. I like troll things such as playing computer games and scaring away women.

    ZANZA
    I have already scared away all the women.

    ARTHGON
    Then I will do other troll things such as telling sex jokes.

    JOJOBOBO
    I have already done all the sex jokes.

    ARTHGON
    Then I will do other troll things such as disappearing for months at a time.

    YTZK jumps out from a kangaroo's pouch.

    YTZK
    I have already disappeared for months at a time.

    ARTHGON
    Why are you all so mean to me?

    DARK ELF puts on a second MONOCLE over the top of his first MONOCLE. DARKFOOL is supposed to police the TROLLS but he is not there.

    DARK ELF
    Be policed!

    ZANZA
    I will not tolerate ARTHGON because he is annoying.

    YTZK
    I will not tolerate ZANZA because he works for the man.

    JOJOBOBO
    I will not tolerate YTZK because he is carefree and enjoys life.

    SMUEL
    I will not tolerate JOJOBOBO because your children will be next.

    ARTHGON
    I will not tolerate SMUEL because he appears to be the weakest member of the pack and I want to win the favor of the other trolls.

    The CIRCLE OF HATE is complete. This brings the TREE back to life. The TREE starts to pursue DARK ELF.

    DARK ELF
    Now the predator has become the prey. There is no escape from the TREE.

    The magical wizard GROSSENSCHWAMM appears and gives DARK ELF a lungful of his bong. They both float away on a cloud of dank weed. The TROLLS are all that is left.

    SMUEL
    I will write a poem to commemorate this occasion.

    ZANZA
    Nope.

    THE END.
     
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  15. Jungle Japes

    Jungle Japes Well-Known Member

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  16. Zanza

    Zanza Well-Known Member

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  17. Jojobobo

    Jojobobo Well-Known Member

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    Good day sir!
     
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