The Most Dangerous Toys of All Time

http://www.radaronline.com/features/2006/12/toys.php

 

I never wore a helmet when I rode my bike as a kid. How'd I ever survive! I need some of those lawn darts though....

 

BAT MASTERSON

Welcome to my new internet/porn name.


Anyway, the lawn dart thing was funny. I remember those from when I was a kid, and the article had it right about how no one followed the "rules" of lawn darts.

First, and only real, rule of lawn darts is, "see how fast can you bury this thing three knuckles deep in your friend's ass." Preferably as they fly past you at 100mph on a Slip'N'Slide, head-first on their stomachs, toward the neighbor's fence.

 

"Presumably, the child on the motorcycle was then taken on a hellish, intestine-twisting scream ride. At one point, he or she would face choices unthinkable except in an Evel Knievel meets Knightrider crossover episode: Do I jump? Or do I ride it out and see if I can clear the gully? Is it sentient? Can it be reasoned with?"

Inappropriate public laughter time.

 

Just the fact that a small child would be crying hysterically in fear and hopefully pain would be enough for me...

 

DE, the anatomy in your sig is flawed.

 

is it? i count four fingers and a thumb... what's missing?

 

The middle finger has no nail. Duh.

 

The fingers are too long and fat, and the thumb is wonky.

 

Can anybody do a better job though? And DE I hope Vyenna don't smack your ass around too much...

 

For you or for you to do the spanking?

 

My grandpa let my brother and me play Lawn darts. Of course, he also gave us slingshots, wooden swords, and little throwing javelins with sharp metal heads. Oh, and knives.

EDIT: And by the way, I saw my very favorite senator, John Kerry, today. We were dropping off a general at some camp, and when we came to the landing pad, a bunch of guys were out there holding a big American flag. Guess they thought we were carrying him. Anyway, he landed a few minutes later and strolled by my aircraft. Sadly, I exercized self control.

 

That must have been a near thing.

 

I talked to one of the pilots from the crew that flew him in. He said one of their guys had a copy of the picture in my sig, and got John Kerry to sign it. Said he was a pretty good sport about it. Of course, he can't really afford to piss off any more soldiers.

 

If anything, it's good that he's not denying it was said. But it was really, really stupid...

 

If it's still in good condition, and with all the parts, it would be worth a pretty penny these days.