The Playground

Discussion in 'Roleplaying Forum' started by Grakelin, Apr 13, 2012.

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  1. Grakelin

    Grakelin New Member

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    Jojobo and I are gonna fight here at 4 o'clock.
     
  2. Jojobobo

    Jojobobo Well-Known Member

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    This is what I have agreed to with Grakelin via PM, and due to my gross inadequacies as a role-player and the fact that this was agreed to run at 4 am GMT you can assume what follows will be a Zanza style Xiao raping. I don't know if Grakelin wants us to establish characters or what, I will take his lead when the unfortunate time comes. Until that point I will be drinking beer a psyching myself up with folk music.

    Also Grakelin, dear oh dear, it's Jojobobo.
     
  3. Jojobobo

    Jojobobo Well-Known Member

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    So I was in a good mood, but suffice to say a massive argument and my own bloodied feet later with someone crying in the other room now I'm not. I said I wouldn't discuss my relationship further here and I won't, so no questions please (and here I was trying to convince Grakelin and people I'm not a whiny little bitch).

    Why am I informing you of my sorry state of affairs if I don't want to appear like a dickhead and don't want questions? Because I don't want my acting like a cunt - if I do - to be interpreted as me doing it for the sake of it because I'm actually (a word I horribly overuse) that pissed at Grakelin; I'm not. Once I give my word - which I rarely do - nothing will make me break it, despite how unfortunate the circumstances; I just wouldn't do it. What can I say, I'm a man of my word. I felt strongly that I shouldn't put any of these details - but then I might have acted like a cunt for no reason and embarrassed myself (at the risk of currently embarrassing myself for writing them down now) and a retrospective explanation would have seemed false. I'll try to remain as good humoured and imaginative as possible, considering I was originally looking forward to this.

    Now I did send a rather late PM to Grakelin that the UK is now on the equivalent of American daylight saving's time, but sadly he didn't get it so it looks like I'm up to five in the morning even though the GMT setting on this forum will only show it up as 4. In any case, I'm willing.
     
  4. Zanza

    Zanza Well-Known Member

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    I had a Chinese massage today, real deep tissue stuff. The guy giving me the massage was average looking, no discernible features about him that made him attractive or ugly. I did not find myself attracted to him though I am sure somebody might. The way he worked on my body was really rough, apparently that is the way I like it as when he asked if he was being too rough I said it is good. So thirty minutes later after he dug in real deep into my muscles he asked if I was willing to go for another fifth-teen minutes as my body looked like it really needed the extra attention. You see I am in a really healthy and fit state, way more fit than most people in the world at my age. So it was obvious that the guy was excited to work further with my body. even though it had been painful I allowed the guy to continue to work hard on my muscles to release all that tension and tightness that had been building up from my amazingness. There was a happy ending to all this as he finished I felt relief that one the pain was over and two I felt as loose as a goose. Thanking the man I paid him his fee and he politely said that if I ever need his services again I should come in. Well I know I am attractive, probably more attractive than most white Australians in the world but this guy obviously was surprised at how amazing I was in the massage room just laying there. It is cheaper to go there and get a massage once a week than finding a girlfriend, paying for her shit and expecting a massage from her. Definitely going to hit this place up each week, the guy was insatiable. Looked like he was willing to give me massages all day. I know I gotta pay for it but he was totally worth it and I reckon he might even want to become my friend one day so he can give me massages outside of work hours. I just love living in Australia it is so amazing how I can just go to a shop and pay for a service and receive it.
     
  5. Jojobobo

    Jojobobo Well-Known Member

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    Thank you Zanza, the laugh was sorely needed.

    Well, Grakelin did come online like a gent but it seems that he - respectfully - decided this shouldn't take place this morning/evening. I'm grateful as I'm not a happy man right now. Really, I'd be happy to do a role-play battle any other time apart from right now at Grakelin's wish - and if you think this all was a perverse charade on my part then really why would I stay up to half five in the fucking morning? I swear the way I act around here is making me more like Xiao's spiritual heir day by day - for which I can only give my sincerest apologies.
     
  6. Wolfsbane

    Wolfsbane Well-Known Member

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    I'll start this up for you, VFX style. If you don't like it, say so and I'll remove the post. Here goes:

    The screen of the tellie is black. The only sound is an omnious, low thunder slowly pulsating from the speakers. It grows in strength, and explodes into Orfs classical piece O Fortuna as the VFX logo fades into view. The music then fades, and the scene suddenly changes, showing us a single man standing on a podium in a ray of cold blue light. He stands head down towards his microphone on its stand, and suddenly begins:

    Lords of the House

    A pulse of light surges through the room but stops as soon as it began.

    I say, AAARE YOUUU READYYY?

    The stage explodes in light and sound; all spots are turned on and panned across the expectant audience, fireworks are shot into the sky in impossible patterns, all screens are turned on at once showing the highlights of previous VFX games, and the speakers are thundering out the VFX signature song like there was no tomorrow.

    Needless to say, the crowd goes wild.

    Howdy and welcome, all ye children of Gawd, to this special event match tonight! I, revrend Dropkick McMurphy, will be your host for tonight! With me is my co-host, the stunningly handsome and stupid Natascha Korinivsomething and our honorary judge and martial expert Zeke Musashi. It's time for The Playground, a spontaneous game between two young stars from The House who wants to get at each other to prove absolutely nothing at all! Then again, who needs a reason, right? The show's what's important anyways, can you say Hallelujah! Now, introducing the fighters:
    In the right corner, we have a Lord who's been with us since the 2nd of August 2007 and has a postcount of 2040! Let's hear it for Grrrrrakelin!
    In the left corner stands his opponent, a Lord who's been here since the 29th of May 2011, who has a postcount of 803! Give it up, Lords, for Jojoboboooo!


    Tell you what, rev, this is gonna be one interesting fight if I ever saw one! Grakelin has both age and postcount to his advantage, but Jojobobo has the element of surprise here; we just haven't seen too much of him! I'm so thrilled I could pee my pants!

    Uh, yes, I-

    Tey both haff so silly names, but nice piktures. Krakelink looks much like my brother and yoyobobok is amlost prefekt kopy of my papa. I don't know which one to be cheerink for!

    Interesting as always, Natascha! Next, Lords, we will be introducing the stage! Are you ready? Can you feel it? Here goes, welcome to

    THE PLAYGROUND

    [​IMG]
    This place might look like your childrens delight, but don't let the colours fool ya! We've stuffed the place from top to bottom with all manners of deadly traps and machines, ranging from lasers and incinerators to saws and spikeguns. We'll have ourselves a ball watching our two lords fighting it out whilst on the same time trying to dodge the ever so dangerous machinations of our props team!

    With introductions out of the way, we can get to what we're here to see, Lords! Time for action, time for Violence, time for BLOODSPLATTER AND GORE! Count down with me, of Lords of The House! Let's do it, Terra-Arcanum!

    LET! THERE! BE! BLOOD! BEGIN!


    (game begins at 4.00PM and stops whenever you're done (let's say minimum three days and maximum one week) have fun, gents!)
     
  7. Jojobobo

    Jojobobo Well-Known Member

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    Jojobobo stands bowed in the Playground, his 12 foot tall frame awkwardly positioned in this arena originally developed for ages 3-12. Though his body has stature, his frame is possessed of almost no physical strength; looking emaciated. He is wearing casual attire, jeans, t-shirt, shoes and the like; and as always there is a rather large bulge in his trousers - but there is a time and a place for exposing that, certainly not in this duel of manly men. His massive half-ogre sized melon head gives this odd looking being a constant hunch-back, which he is rather sensitive about.

    Curiously, Jojobobo seems entirely unprepared - that is if it wasn’t for the sly smile that graces his face. Lifting his hands that appear as if they were modelled on ET, he puts them to his lips and gives a sharp whistle.

    For you see, on the fateful day of 29 May 2011 when Jojobobo joined the esteemed House of Lords and listed his location as “At Madam Lil’s; getting my seed matted into Belle’s stiff glossy wool” a thought began to play on his mind. If presented with that situation in real life, would he or would he not do the deed? A sheep wouldn’t laugh at him like the other girls did; it’s dumb but non-judgemental eyes wouldn’t stare accusingly at his malformed body.

    Over time the thought spiralled into a fantasy, and a fantasy spiralled into an obsession. It was not long before he had a subscription to Farmers’ Weekly, and though when people asked him why he bought it he said it was for the articles - people knew fine well that with this very strange man that was not the case.

    One day he built up the courage, and went to a sheep auction. At first he couldn’t find one he liked the look of (well I certainly don’t want a black one, I have some standards), but then he saw her. Her face was pearly white, her wool soft and warm to the touch, her eye lashes long and fluttering flirtatiously at him. Though she was a prize-winner and so quite costly, the feeling of adoration in Jojobobo’s heart made money no issue. He named her Belle, after the Arcanum namesake who had inspired his feelings.

    Their love for one another blossomed, as much as love can blossom between a freak and a farmyard animal. They would do anything for each other, die for each other; and though the term foot and mouth was normally a bad thing for a sheep, when they alighted to the bedroom the phrase took on a whole new meaning. If Jojobobo was going to tackle Grakelin, he would not be without his beloved Belle.

    At the sound of the whistle the camera pans to the sheep who skips into the arena of death obediently; her hooves lacquered with bright red nail varnish, her wool shimmering after many nights of painstaking maintenance with baby oil, a pink ribbon tied atop her head. Searching the area Jojobobo spots Grakelin near the top of the bumpy slides, and hoping against all hope that his sheep would avoid the deadly traps, Jojobobo bellows:

    Belle, ATTAaaaCK!!!
     
  8. Grakelin

    Grakelin New Member

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    Grakelin rode in on his giant boar, digging his fingers into the beast's majestic neck fur to avoid being thrown off the wild porker's sinewy back. In one hand, he held a pouch. Grakelin was not sure he was truly ready to fight a twelve foot tall man and his sheep, as Grakelin was really just some guy.

    The boar reared up on its hind legs at the top of the bumpy slide. Jojobo bellowed something, and Grakelin quickly tossed his pouch forward.

    "STARMIE! ATTTAAAAAAAAaaaaAACK!"

    Several purple, pointy creatures burst from the undersized pouch, each at least three feet in diameter, each headed directly for Belle & Jojobo's genitals.
     
  9. Jojobobo

    Jojobobo Well-Known Member

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    Two of the starmie didn’t get very far. One passed through a laser tripwire on transit to Jojobobo’s gangly form, making buzz saws suddenly descend from the ceiling and dice it into small meaty chunks. Another carelessly hit a wall mounted pressure plate with its incessant twirling, deploying two miniature heating-seeking missiles which locked onto their target and upon contact caused total annihilation of the poor little echinoderm. Sushi was everywhere.

    One reached Belle, and used bubblebeam on her unmentionables. Far from injuring the sheep, after months of exposure to Jojobobo’s wanton perverse desires which were far more extreme in nature, the sheep was whipped into a sexual frenzy - and started frothing profusely at the mouth. In a state of unparalleled madness, Belle turned around and chomped down furiously on the starmie - breaking that red blinking light thingie which as all good pokémon trainers know means sudden and instant death.

    Meanwhile the last two starmie had reached Jojobobo, one of each gunning for his flimsy legs. With their powerful rotary action the feeble giant was swept to the floor, where he groaned in agony. With the power of their water gun attacks, Jojobobo’s pant were whipped clean off.

    At first the water guns on his water gun felt almost sensuous; Jojobobo rarely washed (Belle lived in his bathtub) and so a rough, deep clean did him a world of good. With a look of transcendental pleasure on his face, Jojobobo considered getting his own starmie after all this was over with. In his reverie however, he had forgot one key thing.

    Instantly, ferociously one starmie used ice beam on his nut sack whilst the other used thunderbolt. In his heightened state of arousal Jojobobo had never even considered that Grakelin may have taught the little hermaphrodites any TMs. With a mighty crack the lanky pervert’s colossal frozen testes were torn clean from his body, shattering into many thousands of pieces on the Playground’s floor. In a voice several octaves higher, Jojobobo screamed:

    I’ll kill you Grakelin, you bastard!! I’LL KILL YOU!!! Ughh… Belle… save me…

    His loyal lover responded immediately and bounded over. She kicked furiously at one starmie with her shiny red hooves using a force that exterminated the beast upon contact; and head butted the other so that it flew off dazed around the arena, surely later to return and make a counter attack. Belle in her enthusiasm however had become careless, and stomped on a pressure pad on the floor. Fortuitously, sheers came out of several openings, and rather than harming the sheep just succeeded in giving it a sexy new do.

    Get him Belle… Get him for Daddy

    Belle did as she was told, avoiding the deadly traps on the way to Grakelin and traversing the bumpy slide. Narrowly missing a goring from the boar’s tusks, Belle deftly skipped behind master and mount to head butt a mysterious red button at their rear.
     
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