Pretty Awful

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Grossenschwamm, Jun 17, 2014.

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  1. Grossenschwamm

    Grossenschwamm Well-Known Member

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    Alright so...I went out to dinner with my wife, and our friend happened to be on lunch (retail schedule, she was on second shift) so she popped into the restaurant to chat.

    She'd been dating this guy she met online, and a few weeks ago she's talking about him and he had said "I love you" two weeks into them seeing each other. We said she should break up with him because she didn't really have feelings for him then, and if she stayed just because "he's such a sweet guy" it'd be awful in about 6 months when he started planning the next 50 years.

    Today, she tells us he sexually assaulted her this morning. Rips off her pants after she's already said "no" to sex about 5 times, and finally listens, putting his pants back on. He thought she liked that kind of stuff because she at one point said she liked when a guy was a bit more aggressive in bed. Now, "in bed" tends to mean the word "yes" happened at one point, and this guy was well on his way to Rapeville.

    So she dumps him, and he still wants to meet her. She declines, and 5 minutes ago he came to her house. Bear in mind it's midnight as I type this.

    Cops were called, he seems to be gone - but he left a note and a pair of earrings. Pretty relieved right here, but I tend to watch a lot of stuff on the ID network with my lady (she was studying to be a forensic pathologist) and the first thing I thought was this guy was going to stalk the shit out of our friend, and try putting the sensual into non-consensual.
     
  2. Jojobobo

    Jojobobo Well-Known Member

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    Maybe he thought your friend was like the one Loius CK mentions? It sounds like she's had a lucky escape, is she going to need a restraining order or won't it need to go that far?
     
  3. Dark Elf

    Dark Elf Administrator Staff Member

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    Your friend clearly needs support, there clearly needs to be a restraining order and the guy clearly needs help.
     
  4. Zanza

    Zanza Well-Known Member

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    I deal with this at least once every shift. She needs to get an order against him. Once the order is in place she needs to make sure she never responds otherwise it negates any breach he does. Often they will feel guilty putting an order on the person and that person will try to convince them they don't need it however remain strong. The whole reason it has come down to getting the order is because they don't know boundaries and besides having an order against someone means nothing if they stay out of your hair.
     
  5. TheDavisChanger

    TheDavisChanger Well-Known Member

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    She needs to acquire a firearm and learn how to use it. It helps if her estranged (ex-?) lover is aware of both of these developments.
     
  6. Grossenschwamm

    Grossenschwamm Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the suggestions, guys. Things seem to have calmed down considerably. He hasn't tried contacting her since that night, and I'm wondering if it's because she told her father (who's an active police officer), she filed a restraining order, or he wised up on his own.
     
  7. Zanza

    Zanza Well-Known Member

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    The trick now is she needs to not rescind the order. Don't downgrade it to an undertaking. Like I said the only reason why the order would affect someone's life is if the person wanted to do exactly what it tells you not to.
     
  8. ytzk

    ytzk Well-Known Member

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    Judge Judy and that English dog training woman both agree: once a person/dog has attacked someone/-dog then you can never, ever trust that person/dog again.

    I think she needs chaperones for the near future. A restraining order is important, of course, but actually staying safe is essential.

    If the guy can't hear "no" then he might not hear "restraining order" either. Locks, pepper spray and a posse of protective relatives.

    More generally, it's important to speak up. This sort of violence against women is too often swept under the carpet as "boys will be boys".

    Pretty awful indeed.
     
  9. Zanza

    Zanza Well-Known Member

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    With an order in place, he can get arrested if he breaches it. If it gets downgraded to something like an undertaking which is a verbal agreement, then it actually can't be enforced.
     
  10. ytzk

    ytzk Well-Known Member

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    Sound legal advice, but in case of emergency, kicks to the groin.
     
  11. TheDavisChanger

    TheDavisChanger Well-Known Member

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    With an order in place, he can attack and kill her, but at least there was an order in place.

    Gunshot to the face ought to do the trick.
     
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